Forgiveness is a profound and often challenging act, yet it holds immense power to transform lives. At its core, forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process of letting go of resentment or vengeance toward someone who has wronged or offended us, regardless of whether they truly deserve our forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not about condoning the hurtful actions or forgetting the pain inflicted. Instead, it is about freeing ourselves from the emotional burden that holding onto anger and resentment brings. When we choose to forgive, we take the first step towards healing our wounds and regaining control over our emotions.
The Benefits of Forgiveness

1. Emotional Liberation: Carrying grudges can be extremely exhausting and emotionally draining. By forgiving, we release the negative emotions that weigh us down, leading to a lighter and more peaceful state of mind.
2. Improved Relationships: Forgiveness can mend broken relationships and foster understanding. It paves the way for open communication, empathy, and reconciliation, strengthening our connections with others. I recall the profound impact of forgiving my father - but I'll discuss that in a future blog post.
3. Personal Growth: The act of forgiving can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth. It teaches us empathy, compassion, and the ability to see situations from different perspectives. It's not only a benefit to the other person, but can be quite beneficial to the one who forgives.
4. Better Health: Studies have shown that forgiveness can have positive effects on our physical health. It can lower stress levels, reduce blood pressure, and even improve heart health.

The Journey to ForgivenessForgiving someone is often easier said than done. It requires introspection, empathy, and time. Here are a few steps to help guide you on this journey of forgiveness:

1. Acknowledge the Pain: Recognize and accept the hurt and anger you feel. It's essential to confront your emotions rather than suppress them. Brushing them under the rug doesn't make them disappear, it simply causes a mountain of pain to fester and eventually explode.
2. Empathize: Try to understand the situation from the other person's perspective. This doesn't mean justifying their actions but rather acknowledging their humanity.
3. Decide to Forgive: Forgiveness is a conscious choice. Decide to let go of the resentment and commit to the process. Remember, the decision is not always based on how you feel, it's simply a decision you make.
4. Let Go: Release the grip of negative emotions. This might involve seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist. It's ok to reach out for help with this.
5. Move Forward: Focus on the future rather than dwelling on the past. Use the experience as a learning opportunity and strive to grow from it.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool for emotional and psychological healing. It allows us to reclaim our peace, improve our relationships, and foster personal growth. While the journey to forgiveness may be challenging, the rewards are profound, making it a worthwhile endeavor for a more fulfilling and harmonious life. I challenge you to make the choice to forgive. You'll be happy that you did.

Recently, I was coaching a couple and one of them couldn’t understand why her fiancée needed to be coached in the relationship. She thought that they should already know how to conduct themselves as a couple. I came up with a simple explanation that helped her to understand and agree that there was a need for coaching in their relationship. I simply explained that football players know how to play the game, but the coach is there to help them win the game. My role as a Relationship Coach is to help you win the game of life, love and relationships.

Marriage is a significant commitment that involves blending two lives, personalities, and sometimes even cultures. While love and mutual respect form the foundation, navigating the complexities of a lifelong partnership requires more than just emotional connection. Premarital coaching offers couples the tools and insights needed to build a strong, resilient marriage. Here’s why investing in premarital coaching can be one of the best decisions you make before tying the knot.

1. Enhanced Communication Skills
Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage. Premarital coaching helps couples develop better communication strategies, teaching them how to express their needs, listen actively, and resolve conflicts constructively. Learning these skills before marriage can prevent misunderstandings and reduce the likelihood of escalating conflicts.

2. Understanding Expectations
Everyone enters marriage with a set of expectations—some realistic, others less so. Premarital coaching provides a space for couples to discuss their expectations about roles, responsibilities, finances, intimacy, and other crucial aspects of married life. Addressing these expectations early on helps align both partners and prevents future disappointments.

3. Conflict Resolution Techniques
Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. What matters is how couples handle them. Premarital coaching equips couples with practical conflict resolution techniques. By learning how to address issues calmly and respectfully, couples can avoid destructive patterns and work together to find mutually satisfactory solutions.

4. Financial Planning and Management
Financial stress is a common source of marital tension. Premarital coaching includes discussions on financial goals, budgeting, saving, and spending habits. By creating a shared financial plan, couples can ensure they are on the same page regarding money matters, which can significantly reduce financial conflicts in the future.

5. Strengthening Emotional Bonds
Premarital coaching encourages couples to explore their emotional connection deeply. By understanding each other’s love languages, values, and emotional triggers, partners can strengthen their bond and develop a more empathetic relationship. This deeper understanding fosters a stronger emotional connection that can sustain the marriage through challenging times.

6. Building a Shared Vision
Having a shared vision for the future is essential for marital success. Premarital coaching helps couples articulate their individual and collective goals, whether they pertain to career aspirations, family planning, or personal development. This shared vision serves as a roadmap, guiding the couple through their journey together.

7. Family Dynamics and Cultural Integration
For many couples, marriage involves blending different family backgrounds and cultures. Premarital coaching addresses the complexities of family dynamics, helping couples navigate relationships with in-laws and extended family. It also provides strategies for integrating different cultural practices and traditions in a way that respects both partners’ backgrounds.

8. Preventative Approach to Relationship Issues
Premarital coaching is proactive rather than reactive. By addressing potential issues before they arise, couples can prevent small problems from escalating into major conflicts. This preventative approach helps create a solid foundation for the marriage, reducing the likelihood of issues that could lead to separation or divorce.

9. Boosting Confidence in the Relationship
Going through premarital coaching boosts confidence in the relationship. Knowing that you and your partner have the tools and strategies to navigate married life can alleviate anxiety and uncertainty. This confidence strengthens the commitment to each other and to the marriage, fostering a sense of security and stability.

10. Personal Growth and Self-Awareness
Premarital coaching encourages self-reflection and personal growth. By exploring their own strengths, weaknesses, and patterns of behavior, individuals can become more self-aware and improve their contributions to the relationship. This personal growth enhances the overall quality of the partnership.

To conclude - premarital coaching is an invaluable investment in your future together. By enhancing communication skills, aligning expectations, and providing tools for conflict resolution, financial planning, and personal growth, premarital coaching sets the stage for a successful and fulfilling marriage. It empowers couples to build a strong foundation, navigate challenges with resilience, and create a lasting, loving partnership. If you’re considering marriage, premarital coaching can be a crucial step towards ensuring a happy and harmonious life together.

Enmeshment is when overconcern in a relationship fosters the loss of autonomous development. Additionally, one can become so overly concerned with meeting the needs of the other person in the relationship that they lose sight of their needs, goals and desires.

In the enmeshed parent-child relationship, parents can tend to treat their children as friends. In a friendship relationship, intimate details about personal information are shared and friends rely on one another for emotional support. While it’s great when you can find a friend to exchange these emotionally supportive experiences with, it’s inappropriate to establish this type of relationship with your children. Enmeshment can cause children to feel the need to forfeit their own goals to avoid conflict with parents and can also cause children to become extreme people pleasers. Children may also feel the need to seek their parent’s approval for every decision they attempt to make. This causes stunted growth in the child becoming autonomous. Children become codependent on their parents, often times, well into adulthood in enmeshed relationships.

I have a client who is almost 50 years old. Because of the enmeshed relationship with her parents, she feels like they constantly try to control her and, in some instances, she will cancel her plans to avoid conflict with her parents. When this occurs, the parents won. She has done exactly what they wanted her to do – they are still controlling her. When parents become overly involved in their children’s lives, it hinders the child’s independence. And as with the case of my client, this can extend far beyond the adolescent years.

Enmeshed relationships can be with a significant other as well.  In both cases, enmeshment can cause frustration, clingy relationships and anxiety, just to name a few of the consequences of this unhealthy relationship.

How do you end an enmeshed relationship? I’m so glad you asked. Suggestions for ending enmeshment are:

1. Seek help from a professional coach or counselor to assist with ending enmeshed relationships. Sometimes it is good to receive guidance and hear an unbiased opinion from a third party professional.
2. Stop any feelings of guilt when you don’t meet your parent’s or significant other’s expectations of you. Remember, you can’t please everyone all the time.
3. Learn to live unapologetically and guilt free. You have no need to apologize or feel guilty for your individual feelings and ways of doing things. You are the only one who can live your life. You owe it to yourself to enjoy being your authentic self.
4. Set boundaries. I really should have made this #1. Setting healthy boundaries is vital when ending enmeshed relationships. Learn to keep some thoughts and ideas to yourself. Don’t seek approval for everything you have decided to do. Think about it. Weigh the pros and cons. Decide whether or not you can live with the cons. And if you can, then go for it! Learn to make decisions independently of anyone else’s input, and only seek advice when you want or need it. What may be good for someone else, may not be good for you. Just because your parents, or significant other would do something one way, doesn’t mean doing it your way is a bad thing, nor does it mean that your way will be unsuccessful. Trust yourself. And if your way ends up being an unsuccessful attempt initially, guess what? You’ve learned something on your own, and you can develop the skills to do things differently until you get the outcome you’re seeking.
5. Fear not. Believe in yourself. You’re a great person. But you’ll never know it if you don’t learn how to connect with…YOURSELF. Do the things that you enjoy, even if it means doing them alone. Create your own identity, independent of others and the opinions of others. Get to learn what makes you tick. What you like to do. The types of people you enjoy being around. You owe it to yourself to be your authentic self.

Set yourself free! I wish you the very best.

Sometimes forgiveness can be a complex journey, rather than a simple action. It's not always as easy to offer as one may think. Whether granting or receiving forgiveness, be patient and allow the necessary process that it takes. One may need to allow their emotions time to catch up with their desire to forgive. Forgiveness requires intentional work. If you are granting forgiveness, allow yourself the time you need so that your good intentions are lasting ones. If you are receiving forgiveness, allow the grantor of forgiveness to take the time needed to ensure that their offer of forgiveness is meaningful and heartfelt.