Enmeshment is when overconcern in a relationship fosters the loss of autonomous development. Additionally, one can become so overly concerned with meeting the needs of the other person in the relationship that they lose sight of their needs, goals and desires.
In the enmeshed parent-child relationship, parents can tend to treat their children as friends. In a friendship relationship, intimate details about personal information are shared and friends rely on one another for emotional support. While it’s great when you can find a friend to exchange these emotionally supportive experiences with, it’s inappropriate to establish this type of relationship with your children. Enmeshment can cause children to feel the need to forfeit their own goals to avoid conflict with parents and can also cause children to become extreme people pleasers. Children may also feel the need to seek their parent’s approval for every decision they attempt to make. This causes stunted growth in the child becoming autonomous. Children become codependent on their parents, often times, well into adulthood in enmeshed relationships. I have a client who is almost 50 years old. Because of the enmeshed relationship with her parents, she feels like they constantly try to control her and, in some instances, she will cancel her plans to avoid conflict with her parents. When this occurs, the parents won. She has done exactly what they wanted her to do – they are still controlling her. When parents become overly involved in their children’s lives, it hinders the child’s independence. And as with the case of my client, this can extend far beyond the adolescent years. Enmeshed relationships can be with a significant other as well. In both cases, enmeshment can cause frustration, clingy relationships and anxiety, just to name a few of the consequences of this unhealthy relationship. How do you end an enmeshed relationship? I’m so glad you asked. Suggestions for ending enmeshment are:
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Sometimes forgiveness can be a complex journey, rather than a simple action. It's not always as easy to offer as one may think. Whether granting or receiving forgiveness, be patient and allow the necessary process that it takes. One may need to allow their emotions time to catch up with their desire to forgive. Forgiveness requires intentional work. If you are granting forgiveness, allow yourself the time you need so that your good intentions are lasting ones. If you are receiving forgiveness, allow the grantor of forgiveness to take the time needed to ensure that their offer of forgiveness is meaningful and heartfelt.
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AuthorBorn and raised in Brooklyn, NY, Wen Robins is a Relationship Coach, Certified Family Life Educator, speaker and published author. She adores being a mom to her only adult daughter, Jasmine Ahnie. She's currently enjoying life in the metro Atlanta, GA region. ArchivesCategories |